THE DOG AGAIN

Stockings in the Stovesand house have always been fun on Christmas. You never know what you are going to find. Will it be lotion, gum, toothpaste, a hammock, socks who knows? Well this year I was so elated to find stamps. Not just any old stamps stamps with pictures of my moms dog. Not only do I get to hear about her dog non stop now my mail will have a mention of Milo as well.

Oh yes and when I say elated I am being sarcastic.

PB&J

I love sandwiches any kind veggie sandwiches, meat sandwiches, paninis, fancy sandwiches with weird schmear and plane Jane sandwiches like turkey NO MAYO PLEASE (mayo reminds me of rotting flesh it gross's me out big time)!!!!!

That being said I would have to say the PB&J is my favorite. My reasoning is easy:

1.) cheap

2.) easy clean up

3.) peanut butter lasts forever unlike turkey that goes bad in a week

4.) tastes yummy

5.) you can jazz it up with honey, almond butter, or any other kind of

nut butter

6.) nostalgia: pb&j with a glass of milk reminds me of simpler times you

know when you were 5 or 6 playing outside in the sprinkler.

HOME SWEET HOME

Well the Christmas Holiday is over and I am home yeah me!!! However, I wanted to share some of the great Holiday news with my fellow bloggers:

1.) Molly left for China

2.) Billy's grandma felt me up (long story for those of you that want to hear it)

3.) saw the grandparents in STL

4.) got a hair cut

5.) went to Christmas mass and guarded the baby box with my life .... no touching remember...I do not want the Christmas flu

6.) got to see 6 months worth of dirty laundry from my brother that lives in Chicago (he wrapped it all up in a fish box and duck taped it .... did you know he is 29 and still brings his dirty laundry home)

7.) Got in a Christmas day fight with my mom

8.) Got kick ass Christmas gifts from the Hubby

9.) Did not give kick ass Christmas gifts to the Hubby (we usually do not give gifts but this year I gave him an umbrella .... times are tough people)

10.) Saw my friend Alicia and her cute kids!!!!!

11.) Milo took a chunk out of my cat

12.) Saw my cousin Brian's kids and watched my cousin Anna shamelessly talk them out of a dog

So Merry Christmas Peeps (even though it is over) and have a happy New Year hope every ones Christmas was eventful as mine!!!

DID YOU KNOW

Did you know when you are 7 months preggers you are not to work out you are to sit on the couch and eat Bonn bons. At least that is what all the ladies keep telling my mom!!! I guess if you want toxemia or preaclampsia or a baby with high cholesterol that is a good idea. Come on ladies I am not running twenty miles I am walking for 40 minutes or doing the elliptical or the StairMaster.....PLEASE OH PLEASE KEEP THE COMMENTS TO YOURSELF ESPECIALLY THE STUPID ONES.

I think all pregnant (healthy ones, if your doc says rest you need to rest) ladies should get exercises you know walking, swimming, ridding a bike or something. You need to be strong when the baby decides it is ready to come out of the "baby box." You know it is not just going to slide out of there you are going to have to work at it!!!

P.s.

Gabbie Reese even had her own pregnancy work out video when she was preggers

ROUND TWO

Well it is off to Muffy's house we go (that is what my mom wants to be called instead of grandma).

I will keep you posted about the fun and exciting adventures of Christmas at the Stovesands.

By the way Muffy VanderBear is what came up when I typed in Muffy.

Merry Merry!!!!

GIFT GIVING

Do not get me wrong I love gifts gimme gimme gimme. Honestly thought I really only like getting them from my immediate family (mom dad brothers husband and if my brothers do not get me one i relay do not care either). I get embarrassed when I get gifts from friends (you know not close friends but just friends) I even get embarrassed when my in-laws give me gifts.

That being said my family's gift giving I think is perfect cousins do not give gifts to each other (if we did i would be broke there are to many of us), aunts and uncles do not give gifts to nieces and nephews and nieces and nephews do not give gifts to aunts and uncles (again we would be broke to many of us). My brothers and I go in with each other and give combo gifts. My brothers and I also go in with each other and buy our mom and dads gifts. However, I just heard a different story from a person that will remain nameless we will call her shopper.

Shopper goes Christmas shopping every year (you are like yes Bernadette so does everyone else...no this girl shops I mean like 5 a.m. shopping after Thanksgiving). At first I thought she was crazy however now I know why, she has to buy for her family and her husbands family (shopper make your husband do his family at least one year so he knows how much of a pain it is..... i make billy do his family with a hint here and there otherwise he is responsible for them...However I think he pawns it off on his sisters go figure). Her husbands family gives gifts to everyone: aunts, uncles, nieces nephews grandparents and so on and so on!!! Now that is a lot of gifts!!!!! So to Shopper I say maybe you should just nix that house on Christmas day and go skiing because you could probably take a trip like that if you did not spend all the money on Christmas presents!!!! However, Shopper is too nice to do that, she will continue to be a good wife, mom and daughter-in-law unlike me who would go skiing!!!!!

YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME

You can feel it coming: the sting the puffiness and then in 24 hours the full blown out fever blister!!!! Yeah!!! I love fever blisters especially since they come at the best time you know right before Christmas.

One year my mother in law told me about this chap stick called Herpacin and she said if I used it every day I would not get a fever blister. So I did and you know what, about 11 months later I did not get a fever blister on my lip I got one on my nose, even better!!!!

So for you peeps out there carrying the herpes virus on your lip just let nature run its course or get some valtrex that shit is awesome!!!

COMMUNICATION

What if you went to visit your financial advisor and said "I just came into some money and I need some help investing it." If the advisor said I only do this and that and that is your only choice no discussion this is my policy. Nothing against the advisor however after doing research you may not use him because you have some idea's also that you would like to discuss.

That being said: why not the same for your Doctor. For example I would like the following for labor and delivery.
1.) no epidural
2.) no pitocin
3.) iv only if medically necessary
4.) intermittent fetal monitoring (not a big ass strap around my big ass belly that keeps me bound to the bed i may need to walk or p and you are for sure not putting a catheter in me i would rather have my baby in the woods)

Now these items are up for discussion I am not set on them and I am sure there are good reasons for using them. However, I do want options and I do want a decision made because we discussed it, not because "that is the way you do it and and that is the way it will always be done." I did not know I lived in the 1930's and I had no voice.

So for all you obgyn's out there when a women first comes to you and says she has a baby in her "baby box" the first thing you should tell her is your policy and the things you are not willing to negotiate on so she knows before she is in her 3rd trimester. By the way ladies 3rd trimester is to late to switch docs.....well maybe not to late but very hard to do (i know i am trying to do it now). Oh yeah and if your patient tells you she is going to do the "Bradley Method" in week 16 and then in week 28 you tell her you will not be able to comply with the practices of the Bradley method, that is not fair either you should of told her at week 16 when she informed you...............OR WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING BECAUSE YOU RUN PATIENTS IN AND OUT OF YOUR OFFICE LIKE THEY ARE CATTLE!!!!!

PEDESTRIAN

Now do not get me wrong I do not come from a city that has massive transit nor do people walk to work. Howeve,r when they walk I know pedestrians have the right away especialy when the cross says walk.

So why then is it so hard for the drivers of Enterprise to realize that pedestrians have the right away. These drivers do not even look they just drive (and by the way I am not hard to miss right now).

So just a reminder be careful and mindful of the pedestrian be happy they are walking and not laying on their lazy ass or burning up fuel in their car. Oh yes beware of the "jay-walker" because they do not follow the rules so I do not feel sorry for them they better look both ways.

AMERICAN

Well it looks as if the American Automobile industry is going to get the money they need to stay a float. Now do not get me wrong I do not like to see money given away maybe bankruptcy would be the best thing for them. However, it would not be the best thing for the United States. If they do not get the money so many people would loose their jobs I could not even begin to count. So many other business would have to file bankruptcy themselves because of the auto manufactures (think how much money they owe other business from advertising to parts to distribution)......did you know 1 out of every 3 jobs is effected by the automobile industry!!!!!

So that being said remember folks the next time you buy an automobile think American first I am not saying you have to, just give them a chance, just test drive one. My husband has had his expedition for 5 years now and we plan to keep it another 5 more it will have any where from 150,000 miles to 190,000 miles on it hen we trade it in and I am sure someone will be able to use it after us!!!!!

ANNOUNCEMENT

I did not hear the "speech" from the horse's mouth however, I did hear what Fox news said as well as CNBC. Obama and his announcement for the largest infrastructure expansion since the 50's. I hate tax's but I love infrastructure. I love that it makes everything so much more efficient and not to mention when roads are nice and smooth (and two to three lanes) it makes such a better trip, when you are in the car for 10 hours. The only thing I ask Obama, is please oh please let some of the development come to the southeast. If anyone needs nice roads it is us. Not to mention if you put a major interstate through Enterprise that would be awesome!!!!!! I do not care if it brings every trucker in the world through our town (they would get along fine with the red necks here) because it would also bring jobs and moo la and I like moo la!!!

So Obama if you do not mind please make sure the infrastructure comes to Enterprise AL and while you are at it could make the city put in side walks it makes it really hard to run or walk here with out side walks. Not to mention side walks would encourage exercises and maybe our city would not be so fat!!!!

THIRD SECRET FACT

These secret facts about myself are getting very difficult, this actually might be my last one because I can not think of any. OK here is a secret fact: I am not putting up a Christmas tree again this year. Why, because I am lazy and I do not want to take it down and I do not want to fight with my husband about lights. I will put one up eventually However, what is the point when you go home and your mom puts one up ...I can just look at her tree...plus there are no presents under our tree Billy and I do not get each other gifts because I am picky and mean and he does not want me to spend money (UNLESS IT IS ON ELECTRONICS AND I HATE ELECTRONICS to many wires and other annoying stuff).

So the secret no Christmas tree in the Haskins house....bah humbug!!!

SECOND SECRET FACT

So I asked my mom what is a fact about me that no one knows. HMMM she said actually you can be a really nice person sometimes (I guess the majority of the time I am not a nice person who knew?).

She said the last time I was home (not Turkey Holiday I was really mean that trip home however I have my reasons), she was referring to my baby shower. Well, I said to her it is easy to be nice when you do not have negative people around (a certain person was away on business).

So fact number two I am a really nice person who knew?????

p.s.

the picture of Mother Teresa is a complete joke I know I am no Mother Teresa so I just want to stop all the comments right there.

SEVEN FACTS

So my cousin Anna wants me to post a fact a day (total of seven). These facts are things that people do not know about me. Well, that is tough because one I am very vocal about everything so I am sure most people know a lot about me and two, if it is a secret and I have not told you, I am sure it is a secret for a reason. So seven facts here I go.

Secretly I would love to live in Manhattan and work at Barneys and be a professional shopper. You know shop for all the rich people. I would pick out shoes, fur coats, handbags and all kids of crap while getting my shopping fix with out spending any money. I choose Barneys because they are little more "with it" when it comes to fashion than other traditional upscale department stores. Why, then am I in E town well 1.) cost of living in Manhattan 2.) all the democrats 3.) i am a wimp 4.) tax's 5.) did I mention cost of living. Just kidding about the Democrats I really do not care I just like to make a jab at the liberals.

By the way Barneys also has kick ass window displays during Christmas, above is a Christmas window.

UGG'S

When UGGs first came out.... I said to myself those are so stupid, people only like them because famous people ware them with skirts. However, I went home one weekend and only brought my tennis shoes and needed something else (when i run my shoes get really wet from sweat and then in the winter the sweat either freezes or keeps my feet really cold). So went to Dillard's and bought some UGGS and then fell in love with the warm, comfy, soft shoes. I highly recommend these lovely shoes they keep feet warm and comfortable.... If you do invest in a pair there are a hole bunch on sale at Nordstrom and I am sure in March there will be a bunch more on sale... These are the new slippers I purchased for myself do not tell anyone but I ware them as shoes also.....

CRAPPY FRIG

When I was in STL I bought my first frig. It was not a fancy frig it was the cheapest frig at home depot. However, I did not have one problem with this trusty cheap frig.

Now I have a fancy frig and it sucks and the company that made it sucks!!!! Why, it is -47 in the freezer and it is constantly running (so my power bill is high). I call GE and they tell me I am out of warranty...Fine I do not care I will pay to have it fixed just tell me someone who can fix it....Oh they can not help me I am out of warranty (and no one in my area services GE monogram the company that used to service it no longer comes to Enterprise)!!!!! Well guess what GE you lost a customer I will never by a GE product again. My next house will have Viking and Sub Zero (or better yet the cheapest appliances at home depot) no wonder your stock sucks and your company is about to go under your customer service is deplorable and you do not have repeat buyers!!!!!! DUH!!!!

MY NEW FAMILY

My moms family does a calender every year. Therefor they need pictures from everyone to be in the calender.

My aunt Shelia sent an email out about month ago (give or take) and said I need picks by Nov. 27. OK, I said I will get them. On Nov 27 I could not take the picture for the following reasons.

1.) I lost my camera

2.) mom bought her camera in Mexico from a little kid off the street therefore no usb cord (and nov 27 is turkey day so i could not go by one)

3.) not everyone was home

So I emailed Shelia and she gave me an extension. The next day we were all going to the movies at 12:55 therefor I made an announcement at 11:45 we will take the picture before lunch. Is that OK with everyone? No one said no so I kept it at that time. 11:30 no Stovesands 11:45 only me billy mom and randi..... So I said forget it I do not care. 12:15 Paul shows up so I decided to take the picture with my new family Randi (dans girlfriend), Billy, mom, Milo, Paul and me.

By the way if any of my family members are reading my blog....My mom said she did not care if she was in the calender or not so please yell at her or even better put a big nose on her picture she will hate that.

THANKSGIVING EXPECTATIONS

So Turkey Day is over!!! Went quite well at the Haskins house everyone is nice they want to know how you are doing and nothing negative is said to you.

About 3 headed over to the Stovesands and the nightmare begins. Yelling screaming and meanness, only from one person however he (tall old and gray) will remain nameless.

So only one more day here in Ptown and I will be back in Enterprise. Enterprise is looking good at least while I am there no one makes fun of me and calls me names.

Oh yes and this is for Anna: I am thankful for...... sausage in the stuffing....just kidding (actually no I really like sausage in the stuffing)..... I am thankful that you got to go somewhere cool on Turkey day (NYC) I would just be more thankful if I was with you...

SOLICITING

Solicitor: Mam would you like to help the "kids from the Gulf Coast share a Cross"

Me: NO....you should solicit in your own community

Solicitor: Mam would you like to give to the Montgomery little ones and big ones

me: no please solicit in your own community

Solicitor: Mam would you like to help the ozark community police departmant...

me: what I pay tax's a lot of tax's what could you need money for

solicitor: It is to "save" for our police fund

me: what police fund....what is it for what do you do with it

solicitor: we save it until we "find" a cause

me: when you find the cause then ask me for money....please do not call my house at 8 a.m. again

Solicitor: would you like to donate to the Mt. Zion Church

me: Ah....no I am a Catholic we do not share our money with other church's (just kidding I did not say that however I did donate to this church because I knew the person who asked me to)

What I hate about soliciting for "not for profit" it is usually a cause I have never heard of, a cause that does not have a logo or a web site. I also hate people that come from other communities, stay in your own community and get money from them....oh yeah and do not send those 10 year old kids in because I will tell them no also (OK wait I am not that mean I can not tell the kids no and I think the adult is horrible that asks the kids to do that). I also hate getting nickled and dimed to death please quit coming in to my office, please quite calling my house, please quit stopping me outside the win Dixie to help your cult convert poor innocent children into "Christians."

Now do not get me wrong I like to give however I want it to be my choice and feel good about it and give it to a reliable organization that I know will use the money in an efficient manner. I also will donate if someone I know asks me because I feel they are reliable and will make sure the money goes to the organization and not to some preachers pocket.

CAN YOU MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY

Well Thanksgiving is upon us and Billy and I have the same agenda we have every year, two thanksgivings. Well, I am sure you are like well Bernadette you are not the only one, some people have three. Well yes maybe they do however this is my senario.

Thanksgiving 1 (i will not disclose whose house I am at):

So first of all I do not grab that much food (actually it would be considered a normal portion however it is turkey day you are supposed to stuff yourself until you can not breath and since I do not have much room in my abdomen lately it is very easy to do) people are staring and they ask arn't you going to eat....arn't you hungry....you do not have much food there Bernadette. Hey why don't you mind your own business I have two turkey days to go to...keep your eyes on your plate!!!!

Thanksgiving 2 (by the way only 2 hours later): Yelling screaming and disapointment.....Too bad I can not just get drunk!!!! However the dressing is quite good at this Thanksgiving!!!

CRAZY BERNIE

Now do not get me wrong I love pain relievers my favorite Motrin!!!! Motrin rocks for those long runs or those "ladies days." Also I love Dr's especially the ones that remove my moles and leave no scares and the one special plastic surgeon I may use one day, to "perk" myself up.

So why Bernadette are you leaving a link on your blog to the history of pain killers in child birth. Well, I say to you loyal blog readers it is because I saw a video today (circa 1960) on what they used to do to women in the delivery room and the fraze the Dr kept saying to the mother, "as long as you cooperate there will be no pain." By the way the woman was bound by her feet, hands and blindfolded..... Sounds like a kidnapping to me or maybe they had to restrain her after all the Novocain they gave her!!!!!

So after reading my link you may laugh at chloroform, Novocain, needles (in places I can not talk about... that oh yeah by the way Drs do not do any more because they were poking to many babies in the head) yet I have one question to ask you...In 30 years will we be laughing at an epidural also ????

http://wondertime.go.com/learning/article/childbirth-pain-relief.html

PANETTONE

Well it is time to roll out the panettone...........YUM YUM YUMMY!!!!!

Panettone is this awesome bread (yes bread not cookies not cake bread) made with raisins some kind of orange crap and other specks of sparkly goodness (there may be alcohol not sure). I love this stuff it comes plain, with icing (my fave), and now I am seeing chocolate, coffee and other yummy flavors (only Italians could come up with).

So break out the box, yes I said box this treat always comes in a box and toast a slice with your morning Joe.... By the way this stuff ain't cheap a really big one I mean really big probably 12 to 20 slices depending on how you slice it will run you about 37 dollars so hope someone sends it as a gift.......Or better yet wait until after Christmas and they are usually are on sale.

THE SEARCH FOR THE PERFECT NAME

It is hard to pick out a name for someone, especially if you do not know them. For my husband it is easy ..... just use my name it is perfect...........OK whatever. Well my name is neither perfect nor do I want to share it (i am selfish like that). So the search goes on for a Girl name. So what are the parameters to a name. These are mine I do not want a name that everyone has or that everyone in my generation is naming their kid! Nor do I want a crazy ass name that people are like what I thought you named a gerbil that.

So how far does one go in deciding a name for a human being that you have not met yet? Are Winnoc, Verona, Vibian, Thea, Syrus, Sola, or Serafina crazy (these are just some of the many I am contemplating I did not feel like typing them all out and by the way i have not run them by Billy yet either so I am sure a lot of them will be nixed)?

I guess I will find out when my kid comes home from kindergarten saying Tommy (by the way not Thomas because people name their kids nick names down here) said "his mommy told him that my name was weird because we are the Yankees from the north."

By the way I guess the names I picked out are unusual because spell check thought they were all spelled wrong and they are spelled right i promise I got them straight off the saints website.

GIFT CARD JOKE

Now do not get me wrong I like gift cards mainly because I have a tendency to only like what I pick out!!!! So you may say why are you mad at the gift cards Bern? Well this is why.

Back in 1997 (wow more that 10 years ago) I took a basic marketing class and one of the things I learned was a way for Company's to make money were gift cards and rebates. Rebates because people forget to send them in (by the way I will send the rebate in even it is .50 dollars because I want to prove a point (I am really not making any money because the price of stamps). Also gift cards they make money because they plan on you not using the entire value, they plan on you loosing them, and they make sure they expire in 12 months. Awesome, well I got a new one for you.

I just received a Wal Mart Visa Debit: OK, here is the catch I can use it any where I want. However, I can not use it where pin is required (good one who thought of that)....HMMMM well where can I use a debit that does not require a pin......um NOWHERE FUCK HEADS!!!!!! So I call Wal Mart and wanted to make sure I am understanding this correctly..... So I call, oh yeah if I want to talk to some one personally there is a fee of 5 dollars a minute (that was a good one to lets just stick it to the customer why don't we) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL F YOU WAL MART I HATE YOU ANYWAY I WILL FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THIS CARD AND GET EVERY PENNY OFF OF IT AND NEVER SHOP IN YOUR STINKY, SMELLY, NASTY, POOR WHITE TRASH STORE EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!

PICTURE OF A PICTURE

Well first of all this is a picture of a picture so not to clear. However, to me it looks like you are looking up someones nose. Yet, to the smart people out there it looks like you are looking into someones shoulder, go figure. Just to let you know the last picture is what Billy turns into at night.

GOOD SPORT

Billy is home now he had his shoulder repaired yesterday (full tear in rotator cuff....whatever that means if you like I have pictures of the tare). Dr. Andrews did his surgery and the funny thing is Dr. Andrews did his surgery when Billy was in college also. Dr. Andrews remembered him (I think he was on the side lines helping or watching or something I really do not know the details but what a small world).

So now Billy is up and about with a Novocaine block catheter (no not a pp catheter a neck catheter) and this "block" should last until Monday. Also, I rented Billy a hospital bed so he could sleep propped up (oh and maybe I had selfish intentions with this hospital bed, so Billy would be sleeping in the other room I do keep my cell with me so if he needs help he can call).

So hope you feel better soon Billy Boy.

EATING TOGETHER

One of the most important things a family can do is eat together. Here are some of my reasons:

1.) talk time ...this is Billy's favorite time because i can ask him 500 questions and he loves to answer all of them

2.) eat time .... you can make sure you family is eating correctly you know fruits, veggies, grains, meats and soda (no wait soda is not balanced so you soda drinkers even diet soda is not good it eats away at your teeth and bones)

3.) relaxation time: do not eat standing up do not eat in the car relax eat slow (i should listen to my words i can eat dinner in about 5 minutes flat).

4.) also if you have children it is a time to teach manners, social skills, and healty eating habits ...those kids that only eat chicken fingers annoy me (now that I said that my kids will only eat chicken fingers, actually they probably will not they will only know what chicken fingers are if they go to a friends house)

So don't eat standing up or in a hurry call a friend or eat with the fam......or if you are single eat while everybody loves Raymond is on and you can pretend they are your family.

PRESIDENT ELECT

Of course you know who I voted for! However, we have a new president and I am glad. Why am I glad? I am glad because I am hoping for somethings to happen now:

1.) low gas (i like low gas because when it is inexpensive to drive cars people buy cars)

2.) stable market (I really like a stable market I mean I really like a market that goes up !!!! however I can not be greedy)

3.) no more campaigning

4.) a minority as president: maybe people will now realize America is progressive and no one will play that minority card (did i mention i hate the minority card).

5.) i am also glad because hopefully people will give him a chance (the people that did not vote for him) remember he is still our president.

I just have one request Barack (you know since you read my blog and all) please oh please oh please do not raise tax's.

YUMMY

Well I learn lots of stuff in my Bradley Class!!! I am getting smarter and smarter as the days go by. One thing I learned last week is PICA. Pica is when you eat non food items such as cigaretts, clay, starch or buttons the list goes on and on (I would like to see your number two after you ate a button I bet that feels good).

So if you want to learn more about PICA go to the following website it is very interesting I did not know people did such things. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pica_(disorder)

I AM GRATEFUL

I am grateful for people who are not smart. Because when I am around them I feel like the superior human being!!!!! Which makes me feel good.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER RUDE?

Of course I have never passed gas, I am a lady so please realize I am not talking about myself.

I consider it rude if you pass gas in the car and one do not warn the person and two do not roll down the window. I think any normal human being would consider this rude. The person I was in the car with will remain nameless, however you know who you are, and it is not funny to trap me in the car with you when you pass your disgusting gas!!!!!

POI

My mother is always onto the latest diet. Now when I say diet she is not trying to loose weight she is trying to lift her skin, clean her liver, thicken her hair, oh yeah right now it is her colon!!!

So now what is she doing she is eating this nasty rice that taste like water called POI. I looked it up on line and it is what people feed babies!!! I have no idea why she is so weird but she is. She told me she needs to eat it for her colon (diarrhea). I said mom maybe you should try eating normal food that normal people eat and you would be fine. No Bernie I do not think so I need to be very nice to my colon. Well mom the last time I check poi would not be considered nice, it is considered disgusting.

Oh yeah poi is cooked down rice so with double the water so instead of 30 minutes it is cooked for 8 hours!!!! MMMMMM YUMMY!!!

EASY TOMATO SAUCE

2 CAN (BIG ONES IN THINK 26 oz)-RESERVE JUICE AND CHOP TOMATOES (i use a scissors)

1 carrot shredded

1 onion finely chopped (i like yellow for this)

fresh (FRESH) THYME ABOUT A TABLE SPOON

4 CLOVES OF GARLIC CHOPPED

1/4 CUP OLIVE OIL

HEAT OLIVE OIL SAUTE ONION (APPROX 5 TO 8 MIN) ADD CARROT GARLIC THYME saute (3 to 5 min more) add tomatoes and let simmer for 30 min and whala cheap yummy tomato sauce .... add some noodles and cheese and it is a veggie meal fit for a king.

This kicks store bought tomato sauce's ass because it is not sugary and it has a better texture than the jarred crap.....not to mention the ingredients above are the ingredients in the sauce not red dye number 23 or some sort of weird ass name that you do not know what it is.

By the way you can use this for anything I use it on veal and tonight i am braising short ribs with borolo wine in this stuff. I recommend making a big batch and you can turn it into whatever you want. Dilute with chicken or veggie stock and make a soup or even better dilute with cream and make a calorious soup. You can use this for what ever and when ever!!!

RUNNING ON EGGS

So now a days I still try to get my run in, however it has turned more into a slow jog (Billy could walk next to me if he wanted to) to maybe even a waddle.

Now running in my condition has its complications (mainly just fatness trying to move.... don't worry it is fine to run in my condition Dr. gave me the green light) however running after eating eggs complicates things even more.

Do you remember my entry a couple of days ago about I have to eat two eggs a day. Well, this morning I ate two eggs and then went and ran about 3 hours later (you would think those little eggs would be thought my stomach and into my colon by now). Now I feel like I have a brick in my stomach. My husband would say I have the "egg burps." If you would like to know what the egg burps are you will have to ask my Father In Law (I think it is what he calls lazy fat people).

THIS MORNING

Billy: Hey Bern some girl asked me to be my friend on face book, I do not know who she is she graduated in 2007 from UK.

Bern: nice

Billy: she was in her swimsuit

Bern: what....did you accept her as a "friend"

Billy: yeah

Bern: you are an idiot....why did you do that she is 10 years younger than you she just wanted you to see her in her swim suit...you are an idiot!!!

Billy: she may know me

Bern: I don't care

Billy: she lives in Seattle she may know me I want to figure out who it is

Bern: RIGHT!!! You are an idiot whatever ...how did you sleep last night, I slept like shit....oh yeah you are an idiot.

By the way in case you care above is a pic of Billy's new friends. I may become friends with the entire football team at UK just to make it even.

TWO EGGS A DAY

So my Bradley teacher wants me to eat two eggs a day every day. Now that sounds like a lot of eggs to me. I guess I am going to have to do a little research because when it comes to eggs I really only like them with cheese (I think that may defeat the purpose).

Also not egg whites, you may have thought that the yolk was the bad part and you should take that out because of cholesterol (at least I should because I have high cholesterol). However, the yolk is just as good for you as the white maybe even better because it contains half the protein of the egg plus the vitamins and the "good" fats your body needs for your brain and crap like that. So I guess I need to get cracking on the egg thing ...... if you have any recipes for eggs (other than egg salad i do not eat mayo it makes me want to barf) let me know because like I said the eggs I know how to make have butter and milk and cheese and I think that may defeat the purpose.

LAZY ASS PEOPLE

I was wondering is it really that hard to put your shopping cart away? I went to Wal Mart today ( the place I hate with a passion however sometimes i am forced to go), and I watched three people just roll their cart into a parking spot. Why this erks me!!!!

1.) pure laziness: come on people it is like an extra 10 steps to put it away.

2.) safety: that cart could roll and hit a car or roll and hit a child, or better yet roll and hit the lazy ass person that left it there.

3.) employees: on a day like Sunday it would be best if you could help the employees, they are very busy so be a respectful customer and put your shit where it belongs.

The lady that pissed me off the most as she was getting into her black celica, she left her cart right in between her parking space and another when the cart rack was approx 6 spaces over. I feel this is a representation of how she lives her entire life ..... lazy and half ass!!!!

Please no comments on how negative I am, I am quite aware of my bitchyness you do not have to tell me!!!

MY NEW ADVENTURE

So I am now a member of face book. Cool whatever I say to myself, I did it because I am a victim of peer pressure. First Molly told me to do it I said no. "Molly, that is stupid that is for kids and I am an adult." Then Zack said go ahead do it Bern everyone else is doing it!!! So I said OK. Now I am on facebook and all these people are asking me to be friends. Is that OK? I do not know these people and they ask me to be their friends. At first I was ignoring them however, Billy said I can not do that it is rude.

I really think these people are asking me to be their friends because they want to get to my cat..."Kitty."

I AM WAITING

So for your information Delta is probably one of the most expensive airlines I have ever flown and I have flown a lot of airlines (TWA, American, Delta, Southwest, US Air, NWA, Frontier and some European airline that I can not think of their name).

So now that I live in the Delta mecca I do not hop on a plane that often. So now I am just waiting patiently for prices to drop. You know since gas is low and all!!!!

I have a feeling those assholes will not drop their prices so they are just forcing me to drive to the beach and grab that direct flight into Chicago (which by the way I would rather connect there than ATL any day because the people that work in Chicago are much nicer than ATL in ATL they just have bad attitudes). So keep watching fairs maybe we may get Lucky and they may cut prices and then I could fly to stl rather than drive 11 hours!!!!

D Daniel Dorkington

My brother Daniel thinks he is pretty cool. His many talents include talking very loud, drinking excessively as well as loosing at tennis to ME!!!!! Did I mention his girlfriend Randi can beat him at tennis as well.

However Daniel's talent of talking, talking, talking, talking and oh yeah talking (sometime rudely, loudly and annoyingly) has produced a decent television spokes person for the store he runs in Nashville. So go buy a car from him today!!!

Awesome

So my favorite cook is Mrs. Giada here. Finally she has a new show on the Food Network (she has been MIA since she had her little girl). Her show starts this Saturday at 1 p.m. Yeah I can not wait. I will have a new menu for a dinner party however who can I invite? I know I bet my mom's dog Milo will come.

5:00 a.m.

Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong, are you kidding me did someone really ring my doorbell at 5 a.m. five times, there really must be an emergency. BILLY DO YOU HEAR THE DOOR BELL YES ,"GET MY PANTS."

Person at the door: Hey man don't attack me but I am out of gas and my baby and wife are in the car down the street and we need to get to Elba (yeah your early 5 a.m. Sat. appointment you need to get to I am thinking to myself)......pause......oh and hey man I can not go to the police station because my tags are expired.

Billy: Sorry man we can not help you

Person: Oh man I really need to get home can you please help out

Billy: no man it is early .... (billy is slowly shutting the door)

Person: Oh man I really need some help

Me: (the helpful person I am) go to the Christian Mission it is two blocks away they open at 7.

Person: they are not open today

Me: (OK now I am super duper pissed because they are open, I drop shit off there all the time on Sat.) Bull Shit asshole they are open they open at 7 and get the F_ck off my front porch it is 5 F_cking o'clock in the morning and I am F_cking pregnant and I do not need this sh_t, get the F_ck out of here and do not come back.

Person: leaving

So now Billy decides to go to work at 5:30 on Sat. morning since that asshole woke us up. He sees "person" going to our neighbors. Now a police man drives by and Billy stops the police man and explains the situation. Police man says he will take care of it. 5 minutes later "person" drives away in his Lexus with out his wife and child and with out expired tags (I guess he kicked his wife and child out of the car and changed his plates real quick). It is 7 hours later and I am still pissed off.

The next person that comes to my door asking for money I may attack them with my baseball bat! I bet I would make the local news....Headlines: Yankee goes crazy at poor defenseless homeless person (more like homeless crack head).

WORLD LEADERS UNITE

Well Duh it is about time you jackass's get together (in 1996 my college text books were saying we are a global economy, so what has taken so long) !!!!!!

So the news says Europe, American, and Asia (probably some others) are going to get together this weekend and work out some economic plan. I hope it is a good one. Please oh Please be a good one.

Oh yeah and by the way maybe they can put some kind of moral plan together to implemented in schools. The plan should be DO NOT BE GREEDY DO WHAT IS RIGHT AND MAYBE YOU WILL NOT BE IN A BIG ASS MESS!!!!!! Actually that would only take one day to teach and I am sure the kids would get it in 30 seconds however, the business men and the politicians don't so maybe they need a moral and ethics class (are moral and ethics one in the same is that a redundant statement).

MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS MAG EVER

I love the Neiman Marcus Christmas book. Not because the pictures are awesome, not because the clothes are kick ass, not because the accessories call my name but because of the extravagant luxury gifts. They seem to get cooler and cooler every year. Usually they are cars (like in 2000 it was the T Bird...you know the car Ford makes).

This year it is a "movable building," I have cut and pasted what Neiman says about it and if you would like just go to Neiman Marcus . com and check out the Christmas book on line to see all of the cool ass expensive shit.

M-Velope® Transformable Structure
What if your workshop was a convertible? What if you could move your yoga studio walls as easily as you roll up your mat? What if you could rebuild, rearrange, and reassemble your garden retreat as quickly as you rearrange furniture? Step inside our M-Velope and you can! It's a massively cool 15-foot high by 14-foot wide by 17-foot deep creation of functional art built with a steel frame. All its hinged wood panel frames open, move, and close at your whim. Michael Jantzen, an internationally famous architectural pioneer/artist, thought it up and he is crafting just 10 structures for us exclusively. He's a leader in rethinking how we live, and he's been green since '71. He builds each M-Velope with new Accoya® wood products that are durable and completely sustainable. Call 1.877.9NM.GIFT for details on your amazing, adaptable, awe-inspiring personal space/transformable work of art.
Oh yeah and yesterday there was a tornado in E town once again whent right by my house did not have power all day and all night...... Do I live in Kansas or something.

FALL

Well, it is finally October and you would think there would be a chill in the air and some fall foliage. WELL NO THERE IS NOT. Not here in Alabama it was 90 yesterday with humidity in the air. NICE!!! Now I complain now but I must remember when it is slush, snow and ice in the north it is a beautiful 60 degrees in E town. So I guess I must be patient.

As for fall most of you know there are fall marathons going on right now and I have two friends running in the Chicago Marathon so good luck to Sumeet and Sarah hope you guys kick ass.

PER MOLLY'S REQUEST

Per the request of a loyal blogger (Mrs. Molly Garg), she was inquiring my thoughts on the VP debate. Now first of all I find this odd. Molly always asks me to refrain from politics so why now does she ask for my opinion. I feel that she is waiting to sabotage me somehow.....OH Well if she wants to sabotage me she can sabotage me.

Molly I thought the debate was very good I thought both candidates were well behaved and did a very good job. I am getting to like Sarah Palin. At first I was disappointed in McCains choice....I was like come on McCain I am still going to vote for you but are you really playing the minority card ...I hate that card. However I feel Palin is a sharp little cookie and I feel she has the same "ideas" that I have. I also feel she is not swayed by deep pockets (at least I hope).

By the way did you know she wears leather knee high boots. It was on Fox news. Now do not get me wrong I like leather knee high boots if I lived in a place wear it ever got below 50 degrees I would weare them,,...., However, I do not think the VP should weare them ...... Can you image Palin going over to Israel and wearing her knee high boots!!!! Hey Isreal whats up I am Sarah Palin like my boots!!!

I love fashion (however lately fashion does not fit me it is quite sad). Every moring I check out the following site to see what is new and to make sure I am up to date with my bags, shoes, jeans, and so on.

My sites: Saks, Neiman, shopbop, revovle, net-a-porter, shop la style, nordstrom, bloomingdales, and other sites that randomly catch my eye when I type in a name brand.

Now I already know what you are thinking, "Bernadette, you are vain and shallow you should be reading the news." I know I am vain and shallow I will not deny it however I love fashion even the crazy shit they put on the runway(even thought I would never ware it). I think of it as art for your body.

So now I must get to these horrid pants you see to the left. These plastic leggings (or are they vinyl I have no idea). I hate these they are disgusting and I see them every ware. I just have one question If you sweat where does the sweat go? So you ladies out there that get a pair of these for the fall props to you (and to your body, my ass would look ginormous in these).

http://meepmeep-bernadette.blogspot.com/

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THE POPE IS COOL

Now let me remind you I am not perfect and when it comes to being "green" I am not perfect either....However, I try. Unless you want me to turn my air up to 75 I would have to say that is where I am not green (it is on 65 at night). However I am trying once a week I go up one degrees so right now I am at 67 (I think I may have to keep it there though).

So why the "green" confession. Well, as you know about 6 months ago the Pope made an announcement that if you do not take care of the earth and do everything you can to preserve the earth it is a mortal sin!!!!!! Yikes mortal you say!!!! So do you know what the Pope has implemented at the Vatican, solar power. I say super duper cool. So you go Pope and all you other peeps out there recycle, pick up trash and try not to use so much plastic.!!!

I guess I could try one more degree on my air conditioner!!!!

MOVIE REVIEW

This movie was very "dry" however sometimes that is a little refreshing when it comes to a comedy. I am getting sick of the farting, the gross sex scenes, the slap happy humor that seems to be in the theaters these days.

Oh yeah and by the way I would not classify this movie as a comedy, I really do not know what to call it. However, I do recommend watching it.....If you have Direct TV it is on PPV.

Oh yeah did I mention I love SJP she is super cool!!!

BUY LOW SELL HIGH.......DUH!!!!!

So if I said to you "hey person I want you to buy company X for 100 dollars and sell company X for 50 dollars." I would hope you would say to me NO WAY BERNIE BUTT (Bernie Butt is what my aunt Shelia calls me) you are an idiot I would loose 50 bucks!!!!

So if you had a great deal in front of your face for example buying companies super duper cheap I mean pennies on the dollar would you do it? I would however, I do not have the kind of dollars that can purchase billion dollar companies (maybe Billy could up my allotment to oh, lets say 500,000 a week).

So my point I am trying to make, come on you weak congress men get your shit together and pass that Pelosi plan PLEASE!!! In about five ten years you are going to make a killing off of the deal. Why... banks will shape up (if you give the assholes some rules to follow) why will banks shape up? Well I do not know about you but when Billy and I bought our house we did not have cash we had to get a loan, and when a company wants to expand they usually do not have the cash either so they need loans, those kids that do not have 20k a year still need to go to college. Loans are like food we need them to survive.

By the way I am pro Republican but you guys up there in Washington are acting like idiots please oh please put the "race" aside and make a decision....I do not know about you but I would rather do what is RIGHT than worry about the election. Oh yeah, the Alabama Congressman is no exception I guess that is what you get when a Bible thump er (his plat form when he was running for office was something about the 10 commandments it was so annoying) is your congressman the asshole probably only knows about football and bible verses and has never take a finance class in his life!!!!

SMOKERS

Now do not get me wrong I have smoked in my life. I am not condeming smokers, I just have an interesting observation.

Once in a while when I am on my walks, I walk by the Hospital here in E town (by the way if anything ever happens to me do not let my husband take me there I would like to be taken to the hospital in dothan please). There are always nurses (I do not think I have ever seen a Dr.) outside smoking. I mean come on you see sick people all day long and you see the problems smoking causes first hand and you still continue to smoke!!! I find this very odd.

I also think it is gross if I am going into the Hospital to visit someone and all these people are outside and I have to walk through the cloud of cancer to get through the door. Please stop smoking my dad did and if he can anyone can quit. Oh yeah it is my dad's b-day I better call him.