WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER RUDE?

Of course I have never passed gas, I am a lady so please realize I am not talking about myself.

I consider it rude if you pass gas in the car and one do not warn the person and two do not roll down the window. I think any normal human being would consider this rude. The person I was in the car with will remain nameless, however you know who you are, and it is not funny to trap me in the car with you when you pass your disgusting gas!!!!!

POI

My mother is always onto the latest diet. Now when I say diet she is not trying to loose weight she is trying to lift her skin, clean her liver, thicken her hair, oh yeah right now it is her colon!!!

So now what is she doing she is eating this nasty rice that taste like water called POI. I looked it up on line and it is what people feed babies!!! I have no idea why she is so weird but she is. She told me she needs to eat it for her colon (diarrhea). I said mom maybe you should try eating normal food that normal people eat and you would be fine. No Bernie I do not think so I need to be very nice to my colon. Well mom the last time I check poi would not be considered nice, it is considered disgusting.

Oh yeah poi is cooked down rice so with double the water so instead of 30 minutes it is cooked for 8 hours!!!! MMMMMM YUMMY!!!

EASY TOMATO SAUCE

2 CAN (BIG ONES IN THINK 26 oz)-RESERVE JUICE AND CHOP TOMATOES (i use a scissors)

1 carrot shredded

1 onion finely chopped (i like yellow for this)

fresh (FRESH) THYME ABOUT A TABLE SPOON

4 CLOVES OF GARLIC CHOPPED

1/4 CUP OLIVE OIL

HEAT OLIVE OIL SAUTE ONION (APPROX 5 TO 8 MIN) ADD CARROT GARLIC THYME saute (3 to 5 min more) add tomatoes and let simmer for 30 min and whala cheap yummy tomato sauce .... add some noodles and cheese and it is a veggie meal fit for a king.

This kicks store bought tomato sauce's ass because it is not sugary and it has a better texture than the jarred crap.....not to mention the ingredients above are the ingredients in the sauce not red dye number 23 or some sort of weird ass name that you do not know what it is.

By the way you can use this for anything I use it on veal and tonight i am braising short ribs with borolo wine in this stuff. I recommend making a big batch and you can turn it into whatever you want. Dilute with chicken or veggie stock and make a soup or even better dilute with cream and make a calorious soup. You can use this for what ever and when ever!!!

RUNNING ON EGGS

So now a days I still try to get my run in, however it has turned more into a slow jog (Billy could walk next to me if he wanted to) to maybe even a waddle.

Now running in my condition has its complications (mainly just fatness trying to move.... don't worry it is fine to run in my condition Dr. gave me the green light) however running after eating eggs complicates things even more.

Do you remember my entry a couple of days ago about I have to eat two eggs a day. Well, this morning I ate two eggs and then went and ran about 3 hours later (you would think those little eggs would be thought my stomach and into my colon by now). Now I feel like I have a brick in my stomach. My husband would say I have the "egg burps." If you would like to know what the egg burps are you will have to ask my Father In Law (I think it is what he calls lazy fat people).

THIS MORNING

Billy: Hey Bern some girl asked me to be my friend on face book, I do not know who she is she graduated in 2007 from UK.

Bern: nice

Billy: she was in her swimsuit

Bern: what....did you accept her as a "friend"

Billy: yeah

Bern: you are an idiot....why did you do that she is 10 years younger than you she just wanted you to see her in her swim suit...you are an idiot!!!

Billy: she may know me

Bern: I don't care

Billy: she lives in Seattle she may know me I want to figure out who it is

Bern: RIGHT!!! You are an idiot whatever ...how did you sleep last night, I slept like shit....oh yeah you are an idiot.

By the way in case you care above is a pic of Billy's new friends. I may become friends with the entire football team at UK just to make it even.

TWO EGGS A DAY

So my Bradley teacher wants me to eat two eggs a day every day. Now that sounds like a lot of eggs to me. I guess I am going to have to do a little research because when it comes to eggs I really only like them with cheese (I think that may defeat the purpose).

Also not egg whites, you may have thought that the yolk was the bad part and you should take that out because of cholesterol (at least I should because I have high cholesterol). However, the yolk is just as good for you as the white maybe even better because it contains half the protein of the egg plus the vitamins and the "good" fats your body needs for your brain and crap like that. So I guess I need to get cracking on the egg thing ...... if you have any recipes for eggs (other than egg salad i do not eat mayo it makes me want to barf) let me know because like I said the eggs I know how to make have butter and milk and cheese and I think that may defeat the purpose.

LAZY ASS PEOPLE

I was wondering is it really that hard to put your shopping cart away? I went to Wal Mart today ( the place I hate with a passion however sometimes i am forced to go), and I watched three people just roll their cart into a parking spot. Why this erks me!!!!

1.) pure laziness: come on people it is like an extra 10 steps to put it away.

2.) safety: that cart could roll and hit a car or roll and hit a child, or better yet roll and hit the lazy ass person that left it there.

3.) employees: on a day like Sunday it would be best if you could help the employees, they are very busy so be a respectful customer and put your shit where it belongs.

The lady that pissed me off the most as she was getting into her black celica, she left her cart right in between her parking space and another when the cart rack was approx 6 spaces over. I feel this is a representation of how she lives her entire life ..... lazy and half ass!!!!

Please no comments on how negative I am, I am quite aware of my bitchyness you do not have to tell me!!!

MY NEW ADVENTURE

So I am now a member of face book. Cool whatever I say to myself, I did it because I am a victim of peer pressure. First Molly told me to do it I said no. "Molly, that is stupid that is for kids and I am an adult." Then Zack said go ahead do it Bern everyone else is doing it!!! So I said OK. Now I am on facebook and all these people are asking me to be friends. Is that OK? I do not know these people and they ask me to be their friends. At first I was ignoring them however, Billy said I can not do that it is rude.

I really think these people are asking me to be their friends because they want to get to my cat..."Kitty."

I AM WAITING

So for your information Delta is probably one of the most expensive airlines I have ever flown and I have flown a lot of airlines (TWA, American, Delta, Southwest, US Air, NWA, Frontier and some European airline that I can not think of their name).

So now that I live in the Delta mecca I do not hop on a plane that often. So now I am just waiting patiently for prices to drop. You know since gas is low and all!!!!

I have a feeling those assholes will not drop their prices so they are just forcing me to drive to the beach and grab that direct flight into Chicago (which by the way I would rather connect there than ATL any day because the people that work in Chicago are much nicer than ATL in ATL they just have bad attitudes). So keep watching fairs maybe we may get Lucky and they may cut prices and then I could fly to stl rather than drive 11 hours!!!!

D Daniel Dorkington

My brother Daniel thinks he is pretty cool. His many talents include talking very loud, drinking excessively as well as loosing at tennis to ME!!!!! Did I mention his girlfriend Randi can beat him at tennis as well.

However Daniel's talent of talking, talking, talking, talking and oh yeah talking (sometime rudely, loudly and annoyingly) has produced a decent television spokes person for the store he runs in Nashville. So go buy a car from him today!!!

Awesome

So my favorite cook is Mrs. Giada here. Finally she has a new show on the Food Network (she has been MIA since she had her little girl). Her show starts this Saturday at 1 p.m. Yeah I can not wait. I will have a new menu for a dinner party however who can I invite? I know I bet my mom's dog Milo will come.

5:00 a.m.

Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong, are you kidding me did someone really ring my doorbell at 5 a.m. five times, there really must be an emergency. BILLY DO YOU HEAR THE DOOR BELL YES ,"GET MY PANTS."

Person at the door: Hey man don't attack me but I am out of gas and my baby and wife are in the car down the street and we need to get to Elba (yeah your early 5 a.m. Sat. appointment you need to get to I am thinking to myself)......pause......oh and hey man I can not go to the police station because my tags are expired.

Billy: Sorry man we can not help you

Person: Oh man I really need to get home can you please help out

Billy: no man it is early .... (billy is slowly shutting the door)

Person: Oh man I really need some help

Me: (the helpful person I am) go to the Christian Mission it is two blocks away they open at 7.

Person: they are not open today

Me: (OK now I am super duper pissed because they are open, I drop shit off there all the time on Sat.) Bull Shit asshole they are open they open at 7 and get the F_ck off my front porch it is 5 F_cking o'clock in the morning and I am F_cking pregnant and I do not need this sh_t, get the F_ck out of here and do not come back.

Person: leaving

So now Billy decides to go to work at 5:30 on Sat. morning since that asshole woke us up. He sees "person" going to our neighbors. Now a police man drives by and Billy stops the police man and explains the situation. Police man says he will take care of it. 5 minutes later "person" drives away in his Lexus with out his wife and child and with out expired tags (I guess he kicked his wife and child out of the car and changed his plates real quick). It is 7 hours later and I am still pissed off.

The next person that comes to my door asking for money I may attack them with my baseball bat! I bet I would make the local news....Headlines: Yankee goes crazy at poor defenseless homeless person (more like homeless crack head).

WORLD LEADERS UNITE

Well Duh it is about time you jackass's get together (in 1996 my college text books were saying we are a global economy, so what has taken so long) !!!!!!

So the news says Europe, American, and Asia (probably some others) are going to get together this weekend and work out some economic plan. I hope it is a good one. Please oh Please be a good one.

Oh yeah and by the way maybe they can put some kind of moral plan together to implemented in schools. The plan should be DO NOT BE GREEDY DO WHAT IS RIGHT AND MAYBE YOU WILL NOT BE IN A BIG ASS MESS!!!!!! Actually that would only take one day to teach and I am sure the kids would get it in 30 seconds however, the business men and the politicians don't so maybe they need a moral and ethics class (are moral and ethics one in the same is that a redundant statement).

MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS MAG EVER

I love the Neiman Marcus Christmas book. Not because the pictures are awesome, not because the clothes are kick ass, not because the accessories call my name but because of the extravagant luxury gifts. They seem to get cooler and cooler every year. Usually they are cars (like in 2000 it was the T Bird...you know the car Ford makes).

This year it is a "movable building," I have cut and pasted what Neiman says about it and if you would like just go to Neiman Marcus . com and check out the Christmas book on line to see all of the cool ass expensive shit.

M-Velope® Transformable Structure
What if your workshop was a convertible? What if you could move your yoga studio walls as easily as you roll up your mat? What if you could rebuild, rearrange, and reassemble your garden retreat as quickly as you rearrange furniture? Step inside our M-Velope and you can! It's a massively cool 15-foot high by 14-foot wide by 17-foot deep creation of functional art built with a steel frame. All its hinged wood panel frames open, move, and close at your whim. Michael Jantzen, an internationally famous architectural pioneer/artist, thought it up and he is crafting just 10 structures for us exclusively. He's a leader in rethinking how we live, and he's been green since '71. He builds each M-Velope with new Accoya® wood products that are durable and completely sustainable. Call 1.877.9NM.GIFT for details on your amazing, adaptable, awe-inspiring personal space/transformable work of art.
Oh yeah and yesterday there was a tornado in E town once again whent right by my house did not have power all day and all night...... Do I live in Kansas or something.

FALL

Well, it is finally October and you would think there would be a chill in the air and some fall foliage. WELL NO THERE IS NOT. Not here in Alabama it was 90 yesterday with humidity in the air. NICE!!! Now I complain now but I must remember when it is slush, snow and ice in the north it is a beautiful 60 degrees in E town. So I guess I must be patient.

As for fall most of you know there are fall marathons going on right now and I have two friends running in the Chicago Marathon so good luck to Sumeet and Sarah hope you guys kick ass.

PER MOLLY'S REQUEST

Per the request of a loyal blogger (Mrs. Molly Garg), she was inquiring my thoughts on the VP debate. Now first of all I find this odd. Molly always asks me to refrain from politics so why now does she ask for my opinion. I feel that she is waiting to sabotage me somehow.....OH Well if she wants to sabotage me she can sabotage me.

Molly I thought the debate was very good I thought both candidates were well behaved and did a very good job. I am getting to like Sarah Palin. At first I was disappointed in McCains choice....I was like come on McCain I am still going to vote for you but are you really playing the minority card ...I hate that card. However I feel Palin is a sharp little cookie and I feel she has the same "ideas" that I have. I also feel she is not swayed by deep pockets (at least I hope).

By the way did you know she wears leather knee high boots. It was on Fox news. Now do not get me wrong I like leather knee high boots if I lived in a place wear it ever got below 50 degrees I would weare them,,...., However, I do not think the VP should weare them ...... Can you image Palin going over to Israel and wearing her knee high boots!!!! Hey Isreal whats up I am Sarah Palin like my boots!!!

I love fashion (however lately fashion does not fit me it is quite sad). Every moring I check out the following site to see what is new and to make sure I am up to date with my bags, shoes, jeans, and so on.

My sites: Saks, Neiman, shopbop, revovle, net-a-porter, shop la style, nordstrom, bloomingdales, and other sites that randomly catch my eye when I type in a name brand.

Now I already know what you are thinking, "Bernadette, you are vain and shallow you should be reading the news." I know I am vain and shallow I will not deny it however I love fashion even the crazy shit they put on the runway(even thought I would never ware it). I think of it as art for your body.

So now I must get to these horrid pants you see to the left. These plastic leggings (or are they vinyl I have no idea). I hate these they are disgusting and I see them every ware. I just have one question If you sweat where does the sweat go? So you ladies out there that get a pair of these for the fall props to you (and to your body, my ass would look ginormous in these).

http://meepmeep-bernadette.blogspot.com/

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THE POPE IS COOL

Now let me remind you I am not perfect and when it comes to being "green" I am not perfect either....However, I try. Unless you want me to turn my air up to 75 I would have to say that is where I am not green (it is on 65 at night). However I am trying once a week I go up one degrees so right now I am at 67 (I think I may have to keep it there though).

So why the "green" confession. Well, as you know about 6 months ago the Pope made an announcement that if you do not take care of the earth and do everything you can to preserve the earth it is a mortal sin!!!!!! Yikes mortal you say!!!! So do you know what the Pope has implemented at the Vatican, solar power. I say super duper cool. So you go Pope and all you other peeps out there recycle, pick up trash and try not to use so much plastic.!!!

I guess I could try one more degree on my air conditioner!!!!