SLUM DOG

Billy took me to the movies last night and we went to Slum Dog. Dothan AL finally got the movie (it takes a while for stuff to catch on down here it is still not in Enterprise).

It was oh so sad, I did not expect it to be so sad however, it had a super duper happy ending (thank goodness, when there is not a happy ending I can not sleep at night).

So if you have not seen the movie I highly recommend Slum Dog however, there is one scene that freaked me out and I will just call it the "poop scene." If you have not seen it you will know what the "poop scene" is when you do see it.... I am surprised the little boy did not get Hepatitis A!!!!

NO TITLE

Some one sent me this in an email do you think it is for real?

Danny Boy

As I have said I have two brothers. Paul and Dan, Dan is the youngest and lives in Nashville. Daniel is very easy to make fun of one because he is the youngest (and ohh so easy to make fun of) two because he is a metro sexual!!!!

For those of you who have never been to Nashville let me give you the low down. The young hip (so they think) kids are as I would describe as "country fashion forward." For example the men will ware their designer jeans with a tight shirt (cow boyish) and fancy boots (I hate this look I am more of a traditionalist when it comes to men: Levis and a button up and your hair needs to be short not shaggy).

So my brother Dan emails me a picture (he emailed me this picture so I could have more ammo to make fun of him, I know he did .... at least he is a good sport about being made fun of) of his boots, so here they are take a gander.

By the way I do not know where Daniel will be able to ware these boots because the dumb ass has been kicked out of every barn in Nashville (so have fun waring these at home watching your pirated videos dumb ass)!!!!

BILLY WILL EAT ANYTHING FOR MONEY

So this morning Billy and I had our normal breakfast of eggs and toast. After breakfast Billy went and played paint ball and I went for my walk. We met back at the house around 12 and ate lunch around 12:30 (just a reminder breakfast was at 7:00 a.m.).

As we were cleaning up lunch I said to Billy I will give you 100$ if you eat these left over eggs (that have been sitting out since breakfast). He looked at me looked at the eggs and did it with in a 10 second time frame!!!!!!!!!!! What, you did not just eat that did you (says Bern)? ..... Yes, I did, now pay up!

So I had to come up with 100 dollars which is a lot for me since we are on a budget (a tight one this year). So I have lost most of my spending money this month to gambling (never thought I would say that).

By the way my husband is officially gross for eating those nasty left over egg bits!!!!

GLUE STICK

There is nothing worse than licking an envelope, so I have an idea for you peeps out there ( this idea is not green i know because of the plastic when you could just lick the envelope yourself). Get a glue stick!!!! Now when I pay my bills no more licking the envelope and tasting yuck-o sticky crap on the envelope.

Not to mention for a little entertainment you can make fake buggers out of the glue and gross people out!!!!

A FEW IF MY FAVORITE THINGS

So my top three favorite things (in this order) sleep, food, and running. So how do you feel when your top three are taken away from you..... crap, crap, crappy!!!!

My dream in three weeks is to take one Tylenol PM and sleep for 10 hours straight.....however like I said that is a dream, I will have a new Friend that likes to eat every three hours (dam it)!!!

I think if women had babies and men had mammary glands that would be an even triad off (so women carry the child and men feed them.......ohhh wait even better if we were like penguins and women laid the eggs and the men had to keep them warm (all winter).... while men are keeping them warm we can eat, sleep and run or just go shopping).

PHYLLIS IS COMING

My mother is coming to visit and she is bringing her dog YIPPY!!!! Here is our conversation recently:

Me: Mom did you bring Milo's choke collar

mom: no he does not need it

me: since when

mom: he does not need it with me

Me: mother all you do is walk the dog across the street to p and then back in the house you do not walk him

mom: why are you so mean

me: did you bring his bark collar (this collar sprays citronella in Milo's face when he barks it is awesome)

mom: no I forgot

me: mom i will not be able to take it if your dumb dog is barking all over the place

mom: Bern Milo is such a good boy he would not do that

me: whatever.... when are you leaving

mom: ahhh i do not know

me: what do you mean you do not know

Mom: well i was thinking around 5 to 10 days

me: interesting wait until I tell Billy he will love that

Just to let you know my mother no longer wants to sleep upstairs she wants the room next to the nursery. Also she has left my dad by himself and he is having surgery tomorrow on his mouth and has to call a driver to come and pick him up!!! Sorry dad your wife is crazy!!!

TOXIC ASSETS

I am so sick of the press using the term "toxic assets" are they really toxic or are they undervalued (I am asking because I do not know and the press does not know either). For example is land really toxic .... no it is not it is undervalued. Is the automobile industry toxic, I do not think so they just need to figure a lot of crap out..........until America goes with out transportation (and I have not grown wings yet have you and my feet can only take me so far) I can not see the automobile industry going away, so really what are these toxic assets!!!!!

Just to let you know the Rockefeller's made the majority of their money in the Great depression buying up all kinds of "toxic assets."(refer to wikipedia) Especially land and buildings that were undervalued (ever hear of Rockefeller center)!!!

I wish the press would quit using these terms and realize that 10 years from now these "toxic assets" will be assets that everyone will wish they had purchased so cheap!!!!! Just to let you know things I would consider to be a toxic asset: asbestos (no one uses this anymore and if you had a warehouse full of it i really doubt anyone would buy it), opium (actually this would not be toxic you would just be an illegal drug dealer and probably make a lot of money), A cell phone from 1985 (these phones were big and expensive, I doubt if you put them on eBay for 5.99 anyone would buy them), and last but not least phen phen (remember that drug for weight loss in the early 90's it gave people heart attacks however I bet you could sell this crap to idiots that want to lose weight and do not care if they damage their heart). However, do you get what I am saying a toxic asset would be an asset that would never "move" or never be of use to our country again and I think loans, cars, land and all the other crap they are calling toxic are of value they are just having a bad day or a bad year!!!

WHAT

All I have to say is really, are you serious? I did not see this first hand however I did received some emails this morning regarding MIA's performance on the Grammy's last night (it shows you I am getting old I did not know who MIA was until now). So just take a look at the link I have attached all you need to see is the first 5 seconds and you will know what I am talking about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KinRqxsY_s

DIAPERS

YUCK!!! Diapers I hate them I hate poop and p especially poop and p mixed together. I do not care how cute you are you will not make me like poop and pp.

So for the topic of diapers. I am going to try baby G. One reason I can go straight to the compost pile dump and bury or if I am lazy I can flush. No stinky diapers left in a diaper pail. I am also considering cloth diapers. Now these are not your mothers cloth diapers it is amazing what they are doing now with cloth diapers. However there is a lot more labor and water involved in cloth diapers.

So for all you ladies out there that are interested in cloth diapers I have attached a question and answer link for washing disposing and all kinds of crap for diapers....

http://www.cottonbabies.com/clothdiapers.php

MICHAEL MOORE

So Billy and I watched Sicko last night, not a bad flick. The first thing Billy said to me was Bernadette do not put this on your blog tomorrow. Well, I am not going to put anything about the movie on my blog I am just going to address socialized medicine.

On paper socialized medicine sounds awesome. Who would not want to walk into a bright, shinny clean clinic right down the street sit down fill in a little paper work get seen by the Dr. and leave and never ever see a bill. AHHH I WOULD I WOULD!!! However I feel that is a dream. A dream that would rely on honest politicians and Americans to implement a program where everything is run efficiently. I have not seen anything implemented by the government run efficiently(look at what is going on with TARP right now everyone wants a piece of the pie what happened to the green movement isn't that a "waste not want not" philosophy....hmmm maybe they only understand when it comes to getting elected) and I would not trust them with my health care.

I want my Dr. to strive for something better to always be looking for the best treatment and not having to follow the guidelines the government sets for him or her I want my Dr. to follow his or her guidelines (that is why I do my research on Dr's. I am the crazy annoying lady that will ask you 5 bazillion questions to make sure you are the Dr. for me).

So socialized medicine is it a good theory? Yes it is however, in my opinion it is only as good as the people running it. So I ask you who would you like to run socialized medicine for the United States of America ???? I pick Blagojevich (ha just kidding).

LIME GREEN AND ORANGE

So do you think my baby will go blind with these bright ass colors? Actually the picture makes it look more "lime green" than it really is because you can not see the white pieces that go with it. Once I get some art work on the walls it will be complete and my light fixture (my light fixture is a drum shade from 1963).

By the way Billy (and Scott) surprised me today by hanging the curtains. I just want you two to know I will take labor over any gift out there. Yes, I would choose someone to clean my house and yard over flowers, jewelry (well depending on the jewelry I do not want to be to Hasty), and yes I will say it CLOTHES, BAGS, AND SHOES!!!!

So Thank You Scott and Billy you guys are awesome you made my day.

PAULY WALLEY

My brother Paul just turned 30 on the 1st of this month. I asked him how it felt to be old, I also asked him about his wrinkles and saggy skin.... He did not even understand what I was talking about (I do not think men obsess about getting old like women do ..... my thoughts and fairness on this subject can be discussed another time).

However my brother Paul lives in Chicago and is an architect (I may have mentioned this) he is now working for Rush Medical Center and works "off site." That means he works at the construction site I have shown you to your left. Last month it was snowy cold and wet and Paul stepped into a mud puddle and got mud inside his boot and up to his knee. Sorry Paul you should move to Alabama we do not have cold muddy puddles. Have fun the rest of the winter at the Construction site I will be thinking about you when it is 70 her in the month of February.

Oh yes did I mention my entire family went to Chicago last weekend to celebrate Paul's B-day.... everyone but me they even brought the dog.

YOUTH HAS PASSED ME BYE BYE!!!

So I am not 20 any more! I am not tight, I am not toned and I am not 135!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am completely and utterly aware of this. Not to mention I am being stretched to one end of the room to the other therefore, I will never be the same again!!! However I feel I am a master of disguises and I will be able to hide my old saggy parts and no one will be the wiser.

So Jennifer why oh why are you waring this dress. Bad, Bad your publicist should be in big trouble. You are still a pretty lady however you did just have twins and your tum tum may not be the same again. It is OK you can cover it up and still look beautiful. So next time keep the stripper dress at home and maybe go with a Calvin Klein or Donna Karen!!!

Yes it is 2:28 in the morning I am up with the acid reflux!!!! It is awesome!!!