MOVIE REVIEW

This movie was very "dry" however sometimes that is a little refreshing when it comes to a comedy. I am getting sick of the farting, the gross sex scenes, the slap happy humor that seems to be in the theaters these days.

Oh yeah and by the way I would not classify this movie as a comedy, I really do not know what to call it. However, I do recommend watching it.....If you have Direct TV it is on PPV.

Oh yeah did I mention I love SJP she is super cool!!!

BUY LOW SELL HIGH.......DUH!!!!!

So if I said to you "hey person I want you to buy company X for 100 dollars and sell company X for 50 dollars." I would hope you would say to me NO WAY BERNIE BUTT (Bernie Butt is what my aunt Shelia calls me) you are an idiot I would loose 50 bucks!!!!

So if you had a great deal in front of your face for example buying companies super duper cheap I mean pennies on the dollar would you do it? I would however, I do not have the kind of dollars that can purchase billion dollar companies (maybe Billy could up my allotment to oh, lets say 500,000 a week).

So my point I am trying to make, come on you weak congress men get your shit together and pass that Pelosi plan PLEASE!!! In about five ten years you are going to make a killing off of the deal. Why... banks will shape up (if you give the assholes some rules to follow) why will banks shape up? Well I do not know about you but when Billy and I bought our house we did not have cash we had to get a loan, and when a company wants to expand they usually do not have the cash either so they need loans, those kids that do not have 20k a year still need to go to college. Loans are like food we need them to survive.

By the way I am pro Republican but you guys up there in Washington are acting like idiots please oh please put the "race" aside and make a decision....I do not know about you but I would rather do what is RIGHT than worry about the election. Oh yeah, the Alabama Congressman is no exception I guess that is what you get when a Bible thump er (his plat form when he was running for office was something about the 10 commandments it was so annoying) is your congressman the asshole probably only knows about football and bible verses and has never take a finance class in his life!!!!

SMOKERS

Now do not get me wrong I have smoked in my life. I am not condeming smokers, I just have an interesting observation.

Once in a while when I am on my walks, I walk by the Hospital here in E town (by the way if anything ever happens to me do not let my husband take me there I would like to be taken to the hospital in dothan please). There are always nurses (I do not think I have ever seen a Dr.) outside smoking. I mean come on you see sick people all day long and you see the problems smoking causes first hand and you still continue to smoke!!! I find this very odd.

I also think it is gross if I am going into the Hospital to visit someone and all these people are outside and I have to walk through the cloud of cancer to get through the door. Please stop smoking my dad did and if he can anyone can quit. Oh yeah it is my dad's b-day I better call him.

SAINT JOSEPH IS COOL

In folklore

St Joseph with the Infant Jesus, Guido Reni (c. 1635).
Burying a small statue of Saint Joseph on a piece of real estate for sale is reputed to enlist the saint's assistance in finding a buyer.[35] Some versions require the statue to be buried upside down. Some believe that the saint's statue should be disinterred once the house sells, to avoid the property repeatedly changing hands; others leave the buried statue in hopes that Saint Joseph will continue to protect the property.[36]

Molly, I am very familiar with trusty St Joseph. My house was on the market (approx 4 years ago) for 5 months, my mother told me about my friend St. Joseph and three weeks later we had a good offer.

There are "rules" to St. Joseph so I would go to a catholic supply (not christian supply catholics are the only crazy people that pray to saints) and ask them exactly what you should do with the statue.

This is what I did: Me and my mom dug a hole in the front yard buried St. Joseph upside down covered him up with dirt, then said a prayer. My mom said the prayer because she is the religious one, so therefor I can not recall what the prayer consisted of. Then all my neighbors looked at us like we were kooky and then I went on with my day. Oh yeah my mom said I was to dig the statue up, however she told me that approx one year after I had moved so I really can't see me going back over there saying "hi remember me you bought my house do you mind if I dig some holes in your front yard I need my St. Joseph statue back."

SICK-O

Well, it finally happened I have received my fall cold. This happens every year at the end of September or somewhere in October. It is inevitable because of the blankty blank peanuts. The farmers start to harvest the peanuts about this time every year and I am highly allergic.

It is awesome how you feel, first it starts with extreme pressure in your head for two days, fatigue and dizziness (i mean stars and all), then it will progress to snot dripping down your throat, and by Saturday I am sure it i will be in my chest and I will be coughing up big balls of green Flem. I am so excited I can not wait to see how my cold progress's. I have received this lovely illness every year since I moved here. So this will have been my 6th time to get this lovely visitor.....however this time I am going to take care of myself because I refuse to be on the following drugs: inhaler, cortisone, antibiotics, decongestant and a nasal steroid..............oh yeah have you ever been on cortisone you will not sleep for days I think it may have speed in it!!!

MY CITY IS COOL

I know I give E town a hard time however for a small town they are very proactive when it come to recycling and other "green" activities.

The latest adventure Enterprise is embarking on:

They are requesting all the restaurants (and home owners) that have grease traps to donate the oil to the city. The city will come buy clean their "grease trap" and hall away the yummy oil. Enterprise (I have no idea how they are going to do it) will then use the oil to fuel their fleet. For example the buses that take the kids to school, the garbage trucks and other city owned vehicles (not police cars they need gas to go fast).

The sad thing is no restaurants have volunteered (i have no idea why not i mean someone will clean your shit and haul it away for free!!!) So now the mayor is going to business to business personally to ask for the donation. Pretty cool.

I wonder when the oil is being burned if it will smell like fried chicken?

FAT CAT

I have destroyed my cat. Actually I have not Billy has, he keeps giving her wet food, I give her weight management hairball control (mmmmm sounds good).
So why have I destroyed my cat. The fat ass today tried to jump onto a chair and did not quite make it. This is a cat that used to be able to hop a 8 foot fence balance on top of the fence and then jump down.
Maybe it is the feline aids or feline leukemia that is getting to her.... Did I mention her breath smells like assholeamio!!!!
Oh yeah that is not my cat above "kitty" is not that fat yet, however she may be there soon.

Good News

I guess I have been ranting a little much (this coming from a loyal meepmeep reader) so I have decided to put some happy news on my blog. So when you want to only hear good news, what do you do? Go to Google of course and type in good news....DUH!!! So I found this website and I figured I would share it with you. By the way there are no ads on this site and it is .org so no pesky agenda's by people who you know "have there own agenda."

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/business/

The "Market"

One Merger, two Merger, three Merger, four, five Merger, six Merger, seven Merger ore. OH the market today!!!!! Could it be any more crazy. So what about these companies that are going bankrupt or being bought out by the government.....Or Better yet since we have been giving all our moola to the middle east (you know gas and all I think it has been in the billions) I hope they do not buy all our companies up......they may relocate them and then the employees would have to work where it is super duper hot (I am joking they would not hire us we are to expensive so there would be no relocation).

So lets hope these mergers, buyouts, and bankruptcy, all end up in the American economy's best interest (who knows it could be like the boll weevil you know the bug that ate all the cotton in Enterprise...the community suffered however Enterprise then decided to plant peanuts and had an economic boom and now peanuts are the cash crop). I do not know anything about economics (that class sucked all it consisted of was a bunch of formula's) so all I have is hope!!!!

WHAT TO DO?

So of course I live 8 hours away from my family and Billy's family. So of course when they come to visit they always stay with us. So what do you do when both families want to come at the same time. Now do not get me wrong I have enough room that is not the problem, the problem is my sanity. First of all my Dad and I do not always get along and I do not want Billys family to witness the spectacle (trust me I try and I try and I try but sometimes I can not hold it in any longer and when he is being a poopy butt I have to tell him).

The other problem is I am the one they always ask questions for example, Bernadette what do you want for dinner? Bernadette where are the spoons? Bernadette you should move your sofa to the other room. Bernadette why don't you and Billy have 4 kids? AHHHHHHHHH

Not to mention someone always compromises my recycling bin (you can not put half full yogurt containers or half full soda bottles in my bin), please quit slamming the door, please do not let the water run (this is the biggest problem), please do not let your dog bark all day long and pee on my floor, please do not bring a bunch of crap from Paducah that you think I want in my house to put on display ( I do not want this shit because I do not have the room and it is ugly).

So now that I have gone on and on can I ask them to all stay in a hotel? I am sure I can ask my parents they do not care and I actually do not care if it does bother them. However, what about Billy's parents can I ask them to stay in a hotel?

OPINIONS

I guess when you are in a certain stage in your life everyone has an opinion for you. However it gets quite annoying. For example do I get in your personal space and touch your arm, leg, stomach or even better your behind? No I do not so please do not get in my space and touch me unless you have been invited.

Do I give you advice on what to eat how to work out or other personal aspects of your life? Again no I do not so again mind your own bee's wax!!!!

So all you peeps out there unless you are someones mother, father, sister, brother, close friend or close relative....PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS BECAUSE YOU ARE BEGINNING TO GET ON MY NERVES.

If you are wondering what this ranting and raving is about.....I will tell you. If one more person touches my stomach I might beat there ass!!!!! So beware the next person that does it to me I will do it right back to you!!!!

CRAZY ASS DOG

Well, yesterday my mother brought me back to the big city of Enterprise. I told her she could not bring the dog this time. So she decided to leave it at my brother Daniels (it is originally his dog however he could not take care of it because he is a moron).

So Daniel decided to take Milo to the Dogie park. Milo gets there humps a Cockapoo's face (Milo has been neutered so he has no sex drive I do not know why he does this). Then gets in a fight with another dog because he has no social skills. Last but not least he goes to the water bowl and knocks out all the water with his paws so no dog has any water to drink. I think in the dogie world Milo maybe an "outcast" that is why he acts that way. Or he might even be a "nerd."

WHY LIE

Now do not get me wrong I do not count a white lie as a lie (especially if it will spare someones feelings) for example "do I look fat in this (the only person that is allowed to tell me yes to that question is my mother)?" The answer always is NO .

However the other lies bother me. Now do not get me wrong I by no means claim that I am perfect (NOT AT ALL). So please do not think I am preaching....At the same time do not tell me you are going to do something and then not complete the task (unless you called me to explain that you can not because your dog is in the hospital)!!!!

TV'S IN THE HOUSE

My cousin Anna had a comment on one of my posts. Her comment was "Bern don't you have more than one TV in your house." The answer is yes, I do have more than one tv in the house. However, when one tv is on full blast you can hear it in the other room and it is just annoying and pisses me off.

I have some solutions for my TV problem:

1.) send Billy next door

2.) put a tv outside

3.) send billy to the bar

4.) send Billy to Scots

5.) send Billy far far away

6.) get Billy head phones

7.) hypnotizes billy to watch E entertainment and Everybody loves Raymond (maybe even sex in the city)

This may solve my football season dilemma.

BAIL OUT

Well Well Well Sunday "Big Brother" bailed out Fannie May and Freddie Mac. Nice!! Now do not get me wrong this will help my husband because the market is up today and it makes his clients happy which makes him happy which makes me happy. However I have mixed feelings about the entire thing. I do not have a reason (well I do but it is not a good reason).

This is all I have to say, shame on you Banks for giving loans to people that do not have good credit and shame on those banks for giving loans and not explaining it to people how they work (first time home buyers just do not understand, I know I did not understand I just wanted a house). Also shame on the people who wanted to get into a business that they know nothing about. For example the accountants that started building homes, the the toilet bowl salesman that thought he could buy 10 pieces of property at the beach and then "flip" it 10 days later. Why do Americans always want to jump on the band wagon.

Do what you know more than likely you will make better choices.

http://www.cnbc.com/id/26606551

I WARNED EVERYONE

I did, I warned everyone about football season. My worst nightmare came true last night. As you know Thursday night The Office comes on (one of my favorite shows other than everybody loves Raymond and law and order). Well, as you may know football was on, so we had to watch Vandy and "the game cocks" (some chick had a shirt on made with a bedazzler I might add....that said "I love cocks" she was also 40 I was like HEY lady get that shit off).
I said to Billy " do we have to watch this?" "Bern" billy says to me "soon football with dominate tv and there will be nothing else to watch to get used to it."
So I said no Billy there will always be TBS to save me....so eat it!!!!

BORN TO CHEAT

This morning on the Today show they were talking about a hormone men have that make them prone to cheat. Soon there will be a test you can give men to see how much or less of this hormone they have. WHAT THE HELL!!! This is hilarious we have excuses for everything don't we. So ladies before you get married I guess when you get your blood tests you can also get your "cheat" test drawn as well!!!! NICE

p.s.

I do not care if you have the hormone or not if you cheat you are a dirty bird and someone should cut your boy parts off!!!!