Are You Serious

Wow my parents just received this magazine. I thought the title was interesting............I mean really come on Garden and Gun!!!!!!

http://gardenandgun.com/magazine/

Not Very Good

Now do I claim to have any talents that entertain people? No I do not so lets make that clear....I could never direct a movie, act, sing or make people laugh.

Yet I was quite disappointed in Indiana Jones.

Sorry Harrison Ford I think you are awesome and your new buddy Shia LeBeouf you are quite good yourself. Oh yes, Stephen Spielberg didn't you have something to do with ET?



Why did I not like the movie? I do not know I could not explain it......maybe it is because I am not 10 anymore and movies like this do not entertain me..............now you know what will probably entertain me.....SEX AND THE CITY......HELL YEAH I CAN NOT WAIT TO SEE THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!

ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY POOPER

Thought you guys may find this cool, I have a pooper with a brick in it so it does not waste as much water but this is evern better.

http://www.watersavertech.com/AQUS-Diagram.html

Good thing my brother Paul is smart and he shows me stuff like this.

Western Wonderland

Yes today is the day I am going home to visit the family. I am going to the Western Wonderland....the western wonderland of Kentucky that is.

As most of you know my hometown is Paducah, Kentucky located on the Western side of the state. If you like quilting, dogwoods and artists you would love Paducah. Not to mention I grew up there so it makes the city even better.

So I must get to packing I will be there for a week so I at least need about five suitcases..............I hope my dad will take them all upstairs for me!!!!!!

p.s.

this a picture of downtown Paducah .... this is the place where my two brothers go when they come home.....they are usually highly intoxicated when they are downtown......me on the other hand I would never do such a thing

LET'S MAKE A CATHOLIC DEAL

As you know my favorite channel on sirius is 150, the Catholic Channel. Yesterday I called in (you can do those kind of things when you do not work and you are waiting for your husbands dry cleaning) to play lets make a Catholic deal. The question was "what saint was beheaded and then his head served on a platter?" HELLO......WHO IS SAINT JOHN THE BAPTIST? Yeah me I won..... Would you like to know what I won........a toenail clipper/bottle opener blessed by the POPE...................Holla!!!

True Story

Ashley my husbands office manager gave me this picture. Ashley saw this with her family on a road trip. I feel I do not have to explain the picture because the picture speaks for itself.

6/0; 6/0; 6/0

6/0 is the score (always) when I play Billy in tennis. In case there is any confusion Billy is 6 and I am 0. Will I ever be able to beat him or at least come close ( I would be happy with close)? I suppose if I would not double fault every time I serve, maybe ...... just maybe....I could at least get a game or two off of him.

Yet it does not help when your husband is mocking you the entire time. Here are some of the names my loving husband calls me.

* led feet

* slow poke

* speed racer

* cream puff

Now I would tell you what I call him in retrun yet, just to remind you this blog is rated pg-13 therefore I can not disclose the words that were used to describe my loving husband.

Funny Guy

Yesterday I heard this guy Scott Blakeman on the radio. He is halarious, I have attached his link so you can listen to a clip of his.

http://www.scottblakeman.com/clips.htm

HOLY CHERRIES BATMAN

Yesterday my loving husband and I went to our favorite place on the planet Wal Mart (not). Just there to pick up a few things to bring to a dinner. While we were shopping I saw some glorious cherries, bright red and firm (that is what you look for when you buy cherries actually they do not need to be bright red just firm). I picked up two bags (my husband has gout and my grandma told me cherries help...probably an old wives tale but she is my grandma and I must listen). By the way I must mention the cherries were on sale for 5.98 (cherries can range from 10 to 12 dollars a pound by the way).

Now on the way to check out (self check out I might add because yes I am that progressive) I ring the cherries up first.....

cash register: ding

cash register: subtotal 30.02

Bern: WHAT (now molley this is me yelling)

Bern: Billy come here look at this

Billy: Bern there are people waiting

Bern: Billy look at this

Billy: WHAT...............

Bern: look at the price of cherries

Billy: I know

Bern: JEEEEEESE OH PEATS

Billy: Bern hurry up there are people waiting

Bern: Can you believe cherries cost this much....what do they do fly them around the world twice...Maybe we should plant a cherry tree instead.....

Billy: Bernadette get out of the way there are people waiting and we have to go

Bern: oh

So this was our trip to Wal Mart yesterday we are two very exciting people:

Here is the salad I brought to the dinner party..... I did not make this up I had this at Dean and Deluca so I tried to copy off their house salad.....I think I came really close

* one roasted red pepper cut up in strips (do not use a jar they taste gross)

* mixed greens

* green onion...a.k.a scallion

* goat cheese

* toasted pine nuts

* the dean and deluca house salad does not have an avocado in it .... but if I have a ripe one I put it in there.

* DRESSING (here is a rule of thumb for a vinaigrette one part acid and three parts oil....so if you want to make more or less you can)

1 tbs balsamic

squirt of honey

1 tsp Dijon

3 tbs GOOD olive oil (p.s. do not use olive oil after about a month it goes bad so always buy in small batches)

Then toss...............easy breasy lemon squeezey

Litter Bugs

Here is a pic of a nest that fell out of my palm tree. yes I have two palm trees in my front yard they are taller than my house.

So if you look closely the nest is made out of cigarette butts (i do not smoke neither does my husband), plastic and other bits and pieces of trash. Poor birdies will grow up with emphysema and other ailments from the nicotine. Therefore, do not litter it not only looks disgusting and when people see you do it you look like a Hoosier. It also hurts other living things!!!!

Good Morning

It is Saturday go hang out with the family !!!!!

ME ME ME MINE MINE MINE NOW NOW NOW

BILLY AND I WATCHED "KING CORN" A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE FARMERS IN THIS COUNTRY AS WELL AS OUR CONSUMPTION OF FOOD. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS DOCUMENTARY. GOOD THING MY COUSIN ANNA IS SO SMART OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE NEVER RENTED THIS MOVIE IN MY LIFE.

MY FAVORITE FLOWER

My favorite flower is the Gardenia, I have 10 of these bush's at my house. They have just started to bloom and they smell wonderful.

Just to let you know I hate the fake smell of Gardenia it makes me want to vomit so never get me a Gardenia candle or Gardenia perfume because I will up chuck!!!!!!

Post a comment and let me know what your favorite flower is......

My Brother Paul's New Project

The Rush Hospital Modernization Project consists of over 1 million square feet of new construction. The site spreads out over one city block and includes a new 14 story bed tower and interventional platform, a new medical office building, a new utilities plant, and a new parking structure. The project is scheduled to be completed at the end of 2013, and will be certified by the U.S. Green Building Council as being a highly efficient and environmentally conscious design.

Oh yea, and their are robots with lasers on their

heads.

Tattle Tale

Here he is the tattle tale. So I was watching a little TV last night while slaving over dinner so my husband could have a well balance meal.

By the way while I was fixing dinner, setting the table and cleaning up Billy was on the computer snitching on me.....on my very own blog.

Thanks Billy.

Go Fly A Kite

Yesterday after Billy was finished playing golf we were trying to figure out what to do. As you know we live in a small town and there is not much to do here. Therefor we cam to the conclusion that maybe we should go fly a kite. Billy's idea not mine (I have never flown a kite before so I did not know what it entails).

Scenario:
* Go to Walmart
* Find parking at Walmart (on Sunday the only place to go is Walmart)
* 9.00 dollars later check out of walmart
* get kite ready
* realize we need more string
* add more string
Billy: OK Bern you hold the string and I will run the kite
Bern: OK
Billy: let the string run
Bern: OK
Billy: pull the string tight......
Bern: I can't the string is burning my hands....kite crashes
Billy: OK lets do this again
Bern: I do not want to I am tired
Billy: hold the string and i will run the kite
Bern: fine
Billy: running running....kite is in the air....kite is over the fence....kite is stuck in the other field two fences over...
Billy: climbing fence...Bern stay back
Bern: coming forward ....billy the string is stuck in the fence
Billy: I told you to stay back
Bern: but the sting is stuck in the fence
Billy: 15 minutes later Billy has kite
Mutual decision: leave kite for kids to play with and go to sonic for a cherry lime aid (it was 95 yesterday).

You must make your own fun when you can not watch TV.

CALL YOUR MOTHER

BE SURE TO CALL YOUR MOTHER TODAY AND WISHS HER A HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!

ALERT ALERT TOMORROWS IS MOTHER'S DAY

All of you sons and daughters out there better remember to call your mothers tomorrow and If you live in the same town you better go see your mother tomorrow because tomorrow is mothers day.

So tell your mom you love her and give her a big fat kiss!!! I think I might set my alarm for 12:00 a.m. and wish my mom a happy mothers day.....I bet she would like that...

BERN THE WORM GERM

LED ZEPPLIN

So my buddy Scott Mozo gave me a gift yesterday................ It is a super duper cool gift. If you can not tell what it is, it is a Led Zeppelin t-shirt.

THANKS SCOTT YOU ARE THE COOLEST!!!

p.s.

I am off to see what Sirius ch. 100 is about, it better be NPR and not Howard Stern..........

Your Best and Worst Qualities?

So last night (while I was reading the namesake: which by the way the first chapter is very depressing....) I thought to myself (maybe this is why I read a word a minute because my mind wanders and then I am like what the hell did I just read.....and of course I have to start the word over again. Anyway back to the point....I asked my loving, cute, and very nice husband "what are my best and worst qualities? He paused......(for at least a minutes that is kind of long Billy) you are pretty and you do not have any "worst qualities".......... Well good try Billy none of the above are true, I think he was just trying to be a good husband (and probably not wanting to get into a fight).........................No really Billy, what are my best and worst qualities....first he said you are the funniest person I know you make me laugh all the time you are quick and upbeat (just kidding he did not say that ..... he was thinking it though).

Here is his real answer: you are the most honest person I know (that is my best quality) and you are the meanest person I know...... OUCH..... Meanest I mean, I must be really mean if I am the meanest person he knows because Billy knows a lot of people ..... for example he used to play football in college, football players are mean right.....I mean come on 6 foot 7 inches 500 lbs and I am meaner that you.......really........ I think he might be exaggerating on the meanest person he knows ..... yet I hate to say it I might be close !!!!!!

p.s.
my husbands best and worst qualities are Best: very hard worker really if I said Billy will you work all night long and never come home he probably would.... and if I said billy will you go get 30 bags of mulch on your way home from work and spread it in the flower beds tonight, he would do it....wait he did do that last night (see he is the best)....worst: does not finish a project meaning he starts something and I have to clean it up ........ Love you any way Billy Jack Haskins.

Also on another note I always listen to the Catholic channel in the afternoon, Lino Rulli is hilarious he brings a comical approach to Catholicism......Yet yesterday he hung up on a caller and p.s. the caller was a deacon.....oh my gosh are you allowed to hang up on deacons they can bless the host and give a homily.....WHAT WERE YOU THINKING LINO ....... I understand your point about listeners can not complain on the the show (and he was complaining) .... you could say I am going to have to let you go if you do not quit complaining!!!! By the way listen to the catholic channels "catholic guy" it is hilarious my husband (whom is not catholic) thinks he is funny also. http://www.sirius.com/thecatholicchannel

By the way that pic above is me going to clean up the mulch...with spf 50 on my nose!!!

Your Best and Worst Qualities?

SUPER DUPER YUMMY

I usually go to food TV, my extensive library of cook books (not lying I have a ton I belong to this cook book club and I get one a month, not to mention I have been a member for three years plus I always get cook books as gifts), Epicurious, or now I have a new website I go to WHOLE FOODS.

Now I know all you big city folk have Whole foods, so just humor me because I love this temple of divine food. Just to let you know I have been known to drive 2.5 hours with a big ass cooler to my Grocery of choice.

So my point: here is my latest recipe from the WHOLE FOODS web site. I made this last night with dinner. Billy and I had this salad, whole grain bread, asparagus, and chicken. If i was going to make this meal again, I would make this salad, a firm white fish such as halibut, sourdough bread and another side such as basmati rice (or something light like that and you could ad some color to the rice by putting tomatoes or pimentos or green onion i recommend color green or red it just makes the plate look that much better....and you do eat with your eyes first).......It makes for an awesome spring dinner.

Sassa's Spinach Salad
Gluten-Free, Vegetarian
Thanks to our reader who sent us this already natural recipe for a tasty and extremely versatile salad. Baby spinach leaves are adorned with sun-dried tomatoes, cranberries, pine nuts and avocado and then tossed with a fresh balsamic-lime dressing.
Serves 4–6
5 ounces organic baby spinach leaves (about 5 cups)
1/4 cup sun-dried tomatoes packed in extra virgin olive oil, chopped
1/4 cup dried cranberries
1/4 cup roasted pine nuts
1/2 avocado, diced
1/3 cup crumbled feta cheese (optional)
4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lime juice
sea salt, to taste
ground pepper, to taste
Toss spinach with tomatoes, cranberries, pine nuts, avocado and optional feta cheese, if using, in a large salad bowl. In a separate small bowl, whisk together the olive oil, balsamic vinegar, lime juice, salt and pepper. Toss spinach salad with dressing and serve.


ENJOY BLOGGER'S I AM OFF TO PULL SOME WEEDS.

OK SO I LIED

So last night I did not read I watched TV. My excuse is, I was waaaay to tired to read. So tonight the reading starts and no TV will begin.

Yet, I was wondering to myself what did people do before TV? Here are some ideas:
* Milk the cows
* Milk the sheep
* Milk the goat
* play hop scotch
* tell stories
* play cards
* drink
* make babies (maybe that is why back in the day people had 5 or 6 kids)
* collect eggs from the chickens
* cook eggs from the chickens

I am making all of this up I have no idea what people did before TV yet I know people in the past have survived with out television therefore so can I.

Two Weeks Without TV

I have been trying to do things to make myself a better person. I thought about going back to school (do not feel like driving three hours to class), thought about going on a diet (I do not like to diet), thought about volunteering at SOS (you think I am kidding but the animal shelter will not call me back all I want to do is walk those cute little dogs), so I have decided to do something very easy I am going to go for two weeks (unless I get sick) with out television. There is one catch I can watch TV as long it is the news..... and so I do not cheat there are only two news channels I watch Fox News (Molly you should watch Fox it will help you face reality) and CNBC. What am I going to do with all of that extra time I plop my (since college extra 10 lbs ass) is front of the TV, i am going to read. So if anyone reads my blog (which I think I may be the only one that reads my blog) please give me some recommendations for a good book and before you say it I have already read the "Kite Runner" (for some reason if I ask anyone for a good read they say the kite runner).

Oh and by the way I complain about the extra 10 pounds on my lovely frame do you think it is because I sit in front of the TV at night and go through an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's cake batter.......possibly, so therefor I figure if my hands are occupied by holding a book I will not stuff my face with sinful treats and cholesterol laden buckets of pleasure.

MILO THE MOO-MI-NATOR

Milo is my mothers dog. He was a rescue dogs with people problems. I feel this dog may have a little of a Bipolar disorder (you know when some one is way up and then way down).

I have many names for Milo 1.) Milo the moo moo head 2.) Milo the moo-mi-nator 3.) crap bag 4.) shit head..........

Here is a perfect example of why Milo is completely and utterly crazy. Last night when my parents and I left for dinner Milo starts crying then going into crazy barking psycho watch dog/pit bull rage.....my dad picked him up (very gently) and threw him across the room and we all ran out the door as fast as we could.

As we were walking to the elevator these are the sounds that cam from Milo:
cry......bark bark bark bark......cry.....bark bark bark....yelp yelp yelp......cry......high pitch scream high pitch scream......


I love this dog.....by the way right now he is just watching me type, he is like I know what you are saying about me ..... I just know what you typing and it is not nice.

By the way Milo got kicked out to the pool yesterday and ate a fish. Oh yes and did I mention Milo is a Kerrin Terrier (like the wizard of oz dog)

The Sun Is My Friend

Why does something so bad feel oh sooooo good. Yes the sun, that is what I am referring to. Today was a lovely 75 and not a cloud in the sky. Now while I am bragging about the temperature today, in about two weeks I will be like, get me out of this "heat box" (a heat box because I am trapped in E town and it is hot like being in a box)....... so I should not gloat!!!!

Yet, the question I ask is why does the sun feel sooo wonderfuly good? The sun gives you wrinkles, moles (I think I have about 6 extra big hairy moles this year so far), cancer, sun burn, and does make you look thinner count (I feel it is a negative because it gives you a false sense of thinness when you are still the same size you were when you woke up that morning).

Maybe it is the vitamin D the sun gives you that makes you feel so good ..... so maybe I should go drink some milk !!!!!!!

Sorry no pics of me in the sun, blogspot sent me an email saying no more pics I am scaring people.